The good: acceptance into three ivies ranked top 10 of the four I applied to (let's count stanford as an ivy for right now). 75% success rate. No complaints there.
Even better: getting over the fear, embarrassment, and fright I felt when I was rejected from my number one choice early. That would be the 25% fail rate, as I was speaking of in the last paragraph.
The bad: having to choose between amazing, amazing institutions. Not knowing what factors I should value over others. Not knowing how I should even judge a school. Not knowing what "comfortable" meant. Not knowing how to fall in love with a school again. Not knowing if my decision will be the one I regret the most in my coming years.Well, honestly, this isn't even bad. I acknowledge that I'm incredibly blessed to even have a choice.
The ugly: hearing people say that me getting in was "all luck". I am not a minority. I am not legacy. I am not uber-wealthy. Leave me alone. I worked hard. I wrote a kick-ass essay with 23 drafts and edits from 11 different people of different ages, jobs, and sexes. Most importantly, I did things that I was passionate about. I joined and created clubs that were important to me. I've logged over a thousand volunteer hours doing activities that I enjoy. I've won national awards. Who are you to say I didn't deserve to get in?
That last question got me. No one has the right to judge me for my application, which he or she did not even see. No one knows exactly what I've done or how I look on paper. BUT, the same goes for me. I've, thus, tried to be enthusiastic and genuine about every acceptance I've heard about. Besides more likely than not, the kid deserves it. They deserve the happiness of seeing the "Congratulations!" or the "Welcome to the Class of 2015!". Of the thousands and thousands of kids who applied to college, those accepted are the crème of the crop, especially when we are talking about Ivy League schools/Top 20/etc.; admission officers cannot possibly be accepting the wrong kids when they have such a large group to choose from. Agreed, they can be making an error in their rejections - simply because so many kids deserve to get in but cannot because of size limitations. But, the acceptances can't be just luck.
This entire train of thought led me to be quite apathetic towards the people who scorned me behind my back. I felt pity for them. Pity that they were not satisfied enough with their lives that they had to invectify mine. I refuse to be diffident; I choose to be apathetic towards their trite abuses.
While I've been lately priding myself on being apathetic, I think it has spread to too many areas of my life. I have no care for my end-of-the-year AP/IB exams, but it's been instilled in me to care. Thus, there is an internal struggle: to study or not to study. I am barely talking to people, I simply haven't found interest in it...I want to go to college. I'm spiraling downhill with my best friend, which is causing me the most amount of anxiety. Who will I turn to if she leaves too?
Next post: the best friend issue. the separation issue. my background.
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