One thing my friends now expect is that I'm going to meet some gorgeous, wealthy, ambitious, multi-talented Mr. Perfect in college because "all ivy guys should be that amazing".
But, that's not what I'm looking for. In fact, I'm afraid I've gotten attached to someone who's slightly selfish (read: a guy), highly intelligent, eloquent, not that motivated, still gorgeous, caring individual who is flawed in so many ways (like...everyone else in the world)...but I love his flaws. Even when it ends up hurting me.
We had a good thing going on. Sort of. But I managed to mess everything up by admitting that he means a lot more to me than I should've. Basically, I screwed myself over for the rest of my summer. Summer, not my life, because that's all I'll ever have with him.
It's pathetic. It's sad. I'm going to a fucking ivy league college and I'm pining over some guy when I know I can do better. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I'm not the prettiest girl and certainly not the most intelligent, but I care about him. I'm pretty enough. I'm smart enough. I have a sense of humor. We have chemistry. And I hate that he's the only one who really makes me feel comfortable with myself and not self-conscious when we're together. But once he leaves, I'm left a quivering 13-year-old girl who finds it hard to admire herself in the mirror.
This isn't the first time that things have gone down the drain; it's only the second. And as much as I hate being on this side of the weeping river, maybe I'm addicted because I sure as hell pull away all the time when a guy ever starts liking me. What do I do now? Hope that time heals everything? Be thankful that I'm getting a fresh start in college?
But, that's not what I'm looking for. In fact, I'm afraid I've gotten attached to someone who's slightly selfish (read: a guy), highly intelligent, eloquent, not that motivated, still gorgeous, caring individual who is flawed in so many ways (like...everyone else in the world)...but I love his flaws. Even when it ends up hurting me.
We had a good thing going on. Sort of. But I managed to mess everything up by admitting that he means a lot more to me than I should've. Basically, I screwed myself over for the rest of my summer. Summer, not my life, because that's all I'll ever have with him.
It's pathetic. It's sad. I'm going to a fucking ivy league college and I'm pining over some guy when I know I can do better. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. I'm not the prettiest girl and certainly not the most intelligent, but I care about him. I'm pretty enough. I'm smart enough. I have a sense of humor. We have chemistry. And I hate that he's the only one who really makes me feel comfortable with myself and not self-conscious when we're together. But once he leaves, I'm left a quivering 13-year-old girl who finds it hard to admire herself in the mirror.
This isn't the first time that things have gone down the drain; it's only the second. And as much as I hate being on this side of the weeping river, maybe I'm addicted because I sure as hell pull away all the time when a guy ever starts liking me. What do I do now? Hope that time heals everything? Be thankful that I'm getting a fresh start in college?
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